The artwork has been handed in, the pages are laid out, the spelling has been checked. Schoolgirl Milky Crisis is almost ready for the printers. But the Big Giant Heads had one last surprise up their sleeves – the index, the final, crucial adornment of a book. It’s the author’s recognition that his book might be put to unexpected uses by readers and researchers in unforeseen disciplines. Far too many Japanese books don’t have one, and it makes life very difficult for researchers if one isn’t there.

So I kind of volunteered for this. Almost a whole working week reading through Schoolgirl Milky Crisis one more time, writing what turned out to be over 1100 entries for the bit at the back that hardly anyone ever reads. Ah, but one day, some researcher will be looking for:

Aso Taro, unexpected diplomacy of, 100

Or

Bush, George W., as cosplay judge, 66-7

Someday, someone will be trying to find

Schwarzenegger, Arnold, as beautiful lesbian, 86

Or

stegosaurus, inflatable, 143

Alongside more useful items like

actors, bitchiness of, 62; bizarre whims of, 267; control of, 53; in cupboards, 53; ideal conditions for, 235-6; questionable dedication of, 10, 65, 235; drinking habits of, 56; pets of, 57; poor quality of, 334; resemblance to shop dummies of, 335; residuals of, 209; smell of, 54; shitty life of, 59

I don’t know who you are, strange future researcher person, but I hope the index helps you out.